Who am I and what is going on

The Not so Big Life

It is June 2nd, 2011, I’m Lidawma and this is what I’m thinking…

The Not so big life is a book I started reading but, more than just a book, it is a whole new way of thinking and living life. So what does it mean to me? As I said, I ‘started’ reading it… never did get all the way through it and didn’t do all the exercises after the chapters. My plan was to read it through once first, then go back and actually ‘do’ it. But I’ve halted before the end of the initial reading and I’m not sure why. It is very interesting and supports my current thoughts and beliefs but maybe it just seems like too much work. Which is ironic really since paring life down to the basics should make life simpler. It would, I believe, if I could get past the mental blocks regarding how ‘busy’ and ‘full’ my life is.

Truth be told my life is empty and boring right now.  I’m not working due to a very bad back so I can’t even do much with my days besides lie in bed, watch movies, listen to music and play on this computer. I am doing a bit more than that. I try to get out for a walk most days when the weather cooperates. I also do some light housework, cooking, sewing, painting, etc…. So why would I feel the need to make my life ‘not so big’? To many people my life is already pretty small and simple… too small and simple maybe. This is where the conundrum comes in. There is a simple life and then there is a ‘thoughtful’ life; mine is simple, not thoughtful. I do too many things the easy way rather than the ‘right’ way. Such as – I don’t sort my garbage though we have a province wide waste management program to eliminate so much waste. I should be sorting compost, recyclables, paper, returnables and true waste. It bothers me that I’m not but I’m not doing anything about it. Also, I am not eating right; I am eating simple, easy, cheap food that is not always as nutritious as I’d prefer. I know I feel better and have more energy if I don’t drink coffee, eat white flour, dairy and sugar. So why am I not doing these things?

The only answer I can come up with is that I’m lazy. Both of these changes require some work, some thought and some organizing. I have all the time in the world so there is no excuse. I have been thinking alot lately about writing and meditating and I know I would be more motivated to live a better life if I took the time to do these simple things. So right now, at this moment, I will challenge myself.  I must write something every day, anything (not counting grocery or to-do list) – a poem, a journal entry, a bit of my memoir, whatever as long as I write. And I must take 15-30 minutes for myself to meditate. I have a guided meditation if I need that to start with but just some nature sounds, a babbling brook or soft music should help to get me in the mood. Then I’ll see if I can tackle the bigger things and make my life ‘not so big’


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