It’s May 26th, 2011, I’m Lidawma and this is what I’m thinking…
What are some of the things that really get under your skin. Those things that can ruin a perfectly good day and make you sour and moody. For me its money and mess. I’ve been struggling to get disability benefits flowing for the last 2 months plus… its not going well and the money has run out. Just when I think something has come through for me I get the ‘3-5 business days to process’ excuse for why its not in my account yet. I’m starting to get curt with people on the phone, its just too much to expect anyone to handle with a smile. Who can live in this society without an income for over a month – its nuts!
And mess…. well this is a really hard pill to swallow. I have chronic back pain and spend most of each day in excruciating pain, taking pain medication but it just doesn’t cut it so I have to lay low, don’t do anything, just lay on the heating pad and let the world pass me by. My place is a mess, its not just untidy (I can tidy a bit) its dirty and I’m losing it! My bathroom needs to be cleaned, my floors need to be scrubbed and my kitchen looks like something blew up in there. My physiotherapist told me I am not supposed to bend, twist or lift…. no sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, lifting over 5 lbs, no standing at the counter too long. That pretty much takes care of anything I used to be able to do. I can’t take my own laundry to the basement laundry room, I have great difficulty to go grocery shopping and when I do I have to have someone come with me to help with carrying everything up to my 3rd floor walk-up. I move things around, tidy up, wash a few dishes now and then, cook a quick meal, but it doesn’t touch the mess I see all around me.
I know I am supposed to keep a positive attitude. Attitude is everything right? Fake it till you make it! Well some days I just can’t fake it and I don’t feel like I’m gonna make it (whatever ‘it’ is)